Sunday, August 23, 2009

Kids

If I have any regret about my illness, it is not what it has done to me or my life, rather the devastating impact it has had upon my kid's. Now don't get me wrong. I'm well aware there are those much worse off than my kid's and me. Materialistically speaking, they want for absolutely nothing. Their mom remarried into significant family wealth and they are obvious benefactors of that act, receiving much more than I, even at the peak of my pre-illness earning capacity, could have ever hoped to provide. Yet they (my boy's anyway, my daughter's for another topic) yearn for only one thing: Their dad. Plain and uncomplicated. From the moment I had to leave they were daddy fixated, rebuffing the idea of 'replacements' and sticking with me through the absolute worst of times.

You see, I am now a firm believer stress plays a significant role in the progression of MS, the same as any other commonly accepted inducer. I do not think it coincidence that my first irreversible attack occurred a mere six months after my divorce and a year subsequent to having to vacate my home. Battles over money, kids, and parental lifestyles while maintaining a variety of work obligations (I was a high school teacher) took there toll. I'm not sorry to admit that it was not easy for me. I missed seeing my kids on a daily basis. I had spent quality time with each and everyone of them from the moment of their birth. It was like trying to break a bad addiction that you really didn't wanted to break to begin with! My ex told me to get over it.......get over it? Easy to say when her lifestyle changed only to the extent I wasn't there everyday!...........A common thread I have with those who have this ailment and remember it is being thought if not spoken: "But you look great, I can't understand why you can't work".........ughhhhhhh.........Maybe we should call in for an audience before we fall and break our ribs or make a class announcement prior to pissing in our pants

2 comments:

  1. Good post man. I can't relate to the relationship stuff, but everything else I can! Your boy is a horse! I watched he wrestling match. Are you that big of a guy?

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  2. My husband and I are finally going to counseling. Its because since my MS, 1999, things have gotten, well, I don't have to tell u. I wanted to ignore it, because I am afraid now, to be alone, only because I have MS. I feel I haven't the courage I had b4.
    Y is it that so many people get divorced. We really love each other. So much pressure, so much change.

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