Sunday, August 23, 2009


If I have any regret about my illness, it is not what it has done to me or my life, rather the devastating impact it has had upon my kid's. Now don't get me wrong. I'm well aware there are those much worse off than my kid's and me. Materialistically speaking, they want for absolutely nothing. Their mom remarried into significant family wealth and they are obvious benefactors of that act, receiving much more than I, even at the peak of my pre-illness earning capacity, could have ever hoped to provide. Yet they (my boy's anyway, my daughter's for another topic) yearn for only one thing: Their dad. Plain and uncomplicated. From the moment I had to leave they were daddy fixated, rebuffing the idea of 'replacements' and sticking with me through the absolute worst of times.

You see, I am now a firm believer stress plays a significant role in the progression of MS, the same as any other commonly accepted inducer. I do not think it coincidence that my first irreversible attack occurred a mere six months after my divorce and a year subsequent to having to vacate my home. Battles over money, kids, and parental lifestyles while maintaining a variety of work obligations (I was a high school teacher) took there toll. I'm not sorry to admit that it was not easy for me. I missed seeing my kids on a daily basis. I had spent quality time with each and everyone of them from the moment of their birth. It was like trying to break a bad addiction that you really didn't wanted to break to begin with! My ex told me to get over it.......get over it? Easy to say when her lifestyle changed only to the extent I wasn't there everyday!...........A common thread I have with those who have this ailment and remember it is being thought if not spoken: "But you look great, I can't understand why you can't work".........ughhhhhhh.........Maybe we should call in for an audience before we fall and break our ribs or make a class announcement prior to pissing in our pants

Friday, August 21, 2009


Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Hmmmm.......before July 13, 1997 never heard of the disease much less imagined I would become a victim of it. How do I remember the date? My son's 5th birthday party and it was sweltering out. Although not a lover of the heat by nature, a party is a party and as they say, 'the show must go on'. My duty.....barbecueing. Even though avoidance of any kitchen was a priority, come summer I considered myself a master chef! I was not Burger King however, you got it my way, not your's!

Performing my social duty in a manner of tradition, I aptly manned the grill with aplomb and a Coors light. The only thing I remember was sweating profusely.....bam....hit the ground. It was common consensus that I was having a stroke, yet I refused medical treatment. Went to my Frigidaire room and laid down and slept.

Next day I'm at the neurologist. Transverse mylitysis. What the hell? Couldn't spell it then and can't now. Steriods....prozac...and a host of other drugs I can't remember. A precursor to MS.............